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Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
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12:12 am - Stole it from my sister
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Oneword answers:
1. Yourself: quirky
2. Your Lover: far
3. Your Hair: blonde
4. Your Mother: happy
5. Your Father: patient
6. Your Favourite Item: camp rock
7. Your Dream Last Night: forgot
8. Your Favourite Drink: DP
9. Your Dream Home: anywhere
10. The Room You Are In: brother's
11. Your Pet: non-existent
12. Who You Are Now: free
13. Who You Want to be in Ten Years: happy
14. What You Want to be in Ten Years: spontaneous
15. What You're Not: North Face
16. Your Best Friend: two
17. One of Your Wish list Items: time
18. Your Gender: lady
19. The Last Thing You Did: drove
20. What You Are Wearing: pj's
21. Your Favourite Weather: summer
22. Your Favourite Book: open
23. The Last Thing You Ate: sunflower seeds
24. Your Life: amazing
25. Your Mood: ready
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| Thursday, January 26th, 2006
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12:00 am - What love is
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It's a father filling up his daughter's gastank and then tapping the hood before she drives away
It's a mom zipping up a little kids coat and scolding him for not wearing a hat
It's that look in his eyes when we said goodbye...it's that same look, years later, across a crowded party, beer in hand, that says "let's get out of here"
It's that laugh between best friends under the covers
It's the glance in the rearview
It's the soccer mom protecting arm when the car stops too fast
It's the young soldier saying goodbye to her toddler in an airport
It's that old couple at the movies, holding hands
It's those teenagers in a really beatup honda stealing a kiss at a stoplight
It's that married couple sitting right next to each other in a truck
It's the stocking hung for a sibling that wasn't going to be there to open it
It's coming home on your lunch break to spend an extra hour with your baby
It's the way he says "I wish you were here" on the phone
It's a guy singing at the top of his lungs, playing the same song he sings every night around a huge bonfire
It's a necklace
It's the way that big black lady sings at church on sunday
It's a ring
It's the magical cereal in my car
It's emblazoned on my ass
It's all you need
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| Sunday, January 8th, 2006
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3:12 pm - My New Years Resolution
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My new years resolution is to be more like I was when I was 6. Think about it. When I was 6 there was no drama. My 6-year old self was happy, inquisitive, loving and helpful. I resolve to be open, caring, honest, curious and in love with my world. When I was 6 there was no problem I couldn't solve and I believed everyone was a good person. I was always ready to put all my eggs in one basket. I want to trust people without a second thought. I don't want to complain because, when you're 6, life isn't that complicated. Why does it have to be just because you're twenty? It seems like I've become more calculating and I don't like that. I just want to embrace the loveliness of everyone I meet. I want to love with abandon and I want to do whatever I can to make someone else's day. That's what I was when I was 6. I just trusted my family to help me through whatever and I need to know that at the end of the day, there is nothing better than my parents taking care of me. Even though I forget it, they still do just as much as then. I was never afraid to say what I thought and didn't have a mean bone in my body. I want to share everything I have. I want to sing out loud and embrace the awkwardness of who I am. If I forget who I was, that will be the worst thing. I don't want to judge people and I want to live for my friends and family. I want to communicate. I will not be afraid to say I love you. I will be a person of my word. I won't lie. I won't hide how I feel. I won't be afraid to let people in. I won't second guess myself. Self-doubt never occured to me when I was 6, why should it now? I'm awesome and I don't need people to tell me that because I believe in myself. I want to be there for you, I don't want to act cool. I don't want to do what other people do just because they say it's cool. I want to tell awful jokes that nobody laughs at. I want to smile. I want to cry. I don't want to be boring. I don't want to compromise who I am because it might seem out of place. I don't want to be afraid to say what I think and I don't want to be afraid to try new things and take risks. I want to live life by Austin's mantra - life is a journey and not a destination. I want to learn from his death because otherwise it will have been in vein. I don't want to take a single day for granted. I will live for the moment but not be afraid to dream. At the end of the day if I was there for just one person or made just one person smile, it will not be a wasted day. I will appreciate my opportunities and love. This year I will be the girl I used to be, unabashedly loving without being afraid of getting hurt. I miss her, she made people smile. It's never too late.
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| Sunday, November 27th, 2005
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2:06 am - Home really is where the heart is and other corny things
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"But to me it's so damned easy to see that you're people are the people at home
Well I been away but now I'm back today and there ain't no place I'd rather go
We got nothin to do but when I look at you I see someone that I know and love
And with a crack of a smile we all stay awhile we know from home there ain't nothin above
Well in the end, we can all call a friend well that's something that I know as true
In a thousand years and a thousand tears I know I'll come finding my original crew
Cause to me throughout eternity there's somewhere where you're welcome to go
I said it's something free, that means a lot to me and when I'm with my friends I feel home
I feel home when I see the faces that remember my home
I feel home when I'm chillin outside with the people I know
I feel home and tha's just what I feel
Cause home to me is a reality and all I need is something real
Home to me is reality and all I need is something real"
-OAR
Being home just puts everything into perspective. And Courtney's right - I just need to chill out a little bit. So I'm just gonna lay back and ride it for awhile.
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| Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
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2:30 am - A thought before I drift off to bed...
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I wish people would quit telling me that I can't do it. That's weak sauce. Sometimes though I'm lame and wonder about things I should be more sure of.
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| Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
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2:41 am
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Roses for the day:
1. Sleeping in
2. Talked to Ben
3. TRAINING TABLES!
4. I made pizza tonight at work
5. Anna Dale facebooked me
6. Almost cleared for rowing
Thorns for the day:
1. Soooo tired
2. Didn't talk to Mary Rachel
3. Nobody to cover this weekend :(
4. Only got a B on econ exam
5. Wished I'd done better at practice
6. Don't understand K201 project
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| Sunday, September 18th, 2005
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3:11 pm - Just a thought
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Where have all the cowboys gone? Louisville I suppose.
"I like you because you don't need me to tell you that you're amazing but you want me to tell you that you're ok."
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| Thursday, September 15th, 2005
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8:41 am - Sometimes it be like damn
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I'm feeling a little bit better this morning. Did you know that there is a tomato knife? IS that really neccessary? I guess it is.
BIG test tonight and about a gagillion other things beside that. If I don't die I will be so impressed with myself.i wish the Business School wasn't so damned stressful. But it is so I just need to get over that.
Yeah, I'm eating pudding for breakfast. You know you're jealous.
BLAH.
2 days until rowing announcements. I'm pretty nervous.
At least I don't have to go to work until 12 tonight. HOLLA! Too bad I have to be there until like 5. Yuck.
I need to stop complaining so damned much. I will stop complaining, tomorrow.
I want to get married. Like now...
time for class....
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2:20 am
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| Sunday, June 5th, 2005
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9:34 am - On my way..
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Had an awesome time in Terre Haute with Brandon. We just clowned the entire night. Shit got a little crazy. And people mean mugged at Tumble Weed. Is that really neccessary? I don't think so. Got up at like 7 today and was on the road by 7:30. This whole driving all over God's Green Earth is starting to get to me. But whatever. I'll probably go see him again in a week or two.
Terre Haute is the ass of Indiana. Just so you know.
Soccer reffing was fun although sort of annoying (*cough - Mr. Wirt - cough*). I got so freaking sunburnt. But nw I really want to go and coach a peewee team. How sweet would that be?
Going to camp. Probably won't be around for awhile. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
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| Saturday, June 4th, 2005
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2:04 am - AN AMAZING DAY!
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Today was just stellar.
Saw Ben! His place is so cute. Man I missed that kid. The drive to Louisville was heinous but I didn't even really mind it. So glad to be over all the dumb shit and drama. Isawhale can kiss my ass. Oh ben. Sometimes it be like damn...
Got back here and went out with the ladies. Jess got our presents done. Yeah I am currently wearing a kickass "mr. rogers is my homeboy" tshirt. Yeah I know your jealous.
Went up to Jesse's place. Man I really like those guys. We can just kick it and be real chill.
Took drunk Evan and the ladies home. Woot.
Why did I get calls from Ben, Brandon, Danny (WTF?) and Joe all in one night? That is random as hell.
So tired because I've been up since 7:30 this morning. Bout to go to bed.
Going to stay with Brandon tomorrow night in Terre Haute Uber excited. It'll be good to spend soe time with him before I have to go away for awhile. He sacred me earlier when he called.
Tomorrow - reffing some soccer games (money!), finish packing, buy some last minute stuff for camp, take a damned nap, and go see the boy!
current mood:  happy
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| Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
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1:40 am
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| Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
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11:10 am - Stole this from rebecca and then it stole away my life
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Whats your name? patty
Whats your sex? female
Single? nah
Birthday? November 10, 1985
Height? 5'8
Eye color? blue
Hair color? blonde
Style? whatever's clean
What posse do you hang with? my friends - i don't know
Heritage? my dad's sorta country and my mom's irish
Religion? still trying to figure that one out - christian
FAVORITE:
Color? blue
Sport? soccer to play and baseball to watch
Food? chicken, potatoes and corn
Band? Red Hot Chili Peppers
Word? tote
Phraze? it was pretty much awesome
Vocalist? Bob Dylan
Guitarist? Victor Wooten - even though he's a bassist, but whatever
Drink ? coke
Name/girl? marley
Name/guys? noah, elijah, benjamin
Actor? Matthew McConaghey (i don't know how to spell it though)
Actress? Julia Roberts
Movie? 7 Brides for 7 Brothers
Song? Forever Young - Bob Dylan
Time of day? night
Car? the New Toyato Tundras are pretty tight
Friend? LAME
Day of the week? Sunday
Month? may
Season: summer
Weather: sunny
Brand: American Eagle
Article of clothing you own: this long sleeved tye-dyed tshirt
Book: Plato
CD: Nalgene Juice
Instrument: bass guitar
TV show : American Dreams
TV station: NBC
Hobby: being funny
Accessory: my anam cara ring
Wrestler: i dont know any
Hero:my grandma
DO YOU:
Smoke?: sometimes
Have sex?: not in a while
Unprotected? never
Drink?: sometimes
Do drugs?: nott really
Smoke mary?: not really
Have good grades? yes
Consider yourself popular? yes
Watch soap opras? yeah
Wait for someone special to get online? yeah
Cry? yes
When was the last time you did cry? when austin died
Pray? sometimes
Believe in God? yes
Sing? currently
Do any sports? used to play soccer
If so which? no
Drive? yeah
Laugh non stop to commericials? no?
Have any inside jokes youd like to share? i'm sure i do, but i can't think of any
Which is Better:
Skittles or Starburst? starburst
McDonalds or Burger King? mcd's
Coke or Pepsi? oh coke
Nike or Adidas? adidas
Hurley or Billabong? i live in Indiana and nobody here surfs
Chevy or Dodge? chevy
AIM or Yahoo? AIM
day or night? both
Beer or hard liquor? Beer
spring or fall? spring
winter or summer? summer!
boys or girls? boys
paper or plastic? plastic
Walmart or Kmart? walmart
Disney or Nickelodean? neither?
MTV or VH1? VH1
blink 182 or greenday? both
good charlotte or simple plan? neither
new found glory or story of the year? don't know don't care
britney or christina? britney
snickers or reeses? reeses
dorritos, regular or cooler ranch? cooler ranch
punk or rap? rap i guess
rock or pop ? pop
nsync or backstreet boys? nsync
RANDOM:
whats your quest? LOVE
are you hott? depends on your tastes - i think so
want to funk? ?
tired? no
bored? no
wish you were somewhere else? yeah
where? at camp
watch tv? sometimes
internet junky? yeah
never off aim? true
sn? blondepecker922
number? 20
hottest girl celebrity? Keira KNightly
hottest boy celebrity? brad pitt
if you could claim one person, who? i thought abraham lincoln freed the slaves
does elmo suck? no
if so why?
ever sit so long your bum hurts? yes
dry humped? man, who hasn't?
first kiss? Michael Slavik Freshman year
Have a bf/gf? yeah
If not do you wish you did?
If so, how long have you been goin out? a while
current mood: excited
current music: Jimi Hendrix
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| Thursday, May 26th, 2005
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1:32 am - A pot of coffee makes me anxious and way too awake - what was i thinking?
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"she only drinks coffee at midnight
when the moment is not right
her timing is quite - unusual
you see her confidence is tragic
but her intuition magic
and the shape of her body?
unusual"
sometimes i am really dumb. jealous and possessive and really dumb.
got the jeep fixed. yay me
my phone's dying - thumbs way down
really looking forward to camp gotta call mike in the morning.
i have so much to do tomorrow
i fell off my bike today in front of k-wink's mom. that was silly. i hurt my foot. shit happens.
i, i, i
sometimes you just gotta let go and see where you end up. ya know?
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| Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
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1:03 am - sometimes I feel like somewhere up there some super being is laughing at me
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"Mud grips, white tips, cigar sticking out of my face"
I love that song lately....and i know you're reading this puddin pop
ben called tonight. he's doing well. that was a really boring sentence. my bad. man that kid tears me up. think of that what you'd like. probably going to see him next week.
haven't talked to brandon since saturday. whatever.
went shopping yesterday for summer stuff and scored a couple of tanktops, flip flops, a new swimsuit, hot boy shorts - which only sorta make me look dyke-y.
camp in like a week and a half, mostly excited, sorta sad to leave everybody, but i am going to have such an awesome time.
think i may have hurt jerry the jeep. scratch that - i know that i hurt jerry. i'm sorry jerry.
made a to do list today for the first time since austin died. wierd. don't know how i feel about that.
gnight y'all
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| Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
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3:14 am
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| Saturday, May 21st, 2005
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12:57 am - It's that butterflies in your stomach, butt tingling, heart racing sort of feeling
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I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you I'm feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town
I'm counting my sheep and each one that passes is another dream to ashes
and they all fall down.
And as I lay me down tonight,
I close my eyes, what a beautiful sight
Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired of having to live without you
But I don't mind.
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired
I found myself in the riches (Your eyes, your lips, your hair.) And you were everywhere
I woke up in the ditches. I hit the light and I thought you might be here
but you were nowhere. (You were nowhere)
Well, you were nowhere at home.
As I lay me back to sleep
Lord I pray that I can keep
Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired of having to live without you
Well, I don't mind
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired
(Just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night.)
Sleeping to dream about you
I'm so tired of having to live without you
Well, I don't mind
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired
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| Thursday, May 19th, 2005
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10:36 am - I miss Spring Break
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Sitting here copying the Spring Break CDs. It makes me miss the awesomeness that was Spring Break 2005. Oh well.
Went on the most wasteful canoe trip ever on Monday. Thumbs way down. Seriously, I don't think they can get any farther down. I need to find better trips pronto or otherwise I'm gonna look like a Douche when I get down to camp. I need to find a book of Indiana Canoe Trips. If anybody has any pointers that would be stellar.
Saw Brandon on Monday when I was "camping" with Kennan. He came over to the apartment and we hung out. It was good to see him.
Remember Relay for Life? That was really fun...just came across some pictures.
Oh Ben...
Scrapbooking my butt off, it's gonna end up being pretty sweet. I'm pretty excited about it.
I hate what they are doing across the street. It looks naked without the trees. I shouldnn't be able to see the press box from my front window. And there is no sled hill to be spoken of. I really want to hop the fence and do something very illegal. But I can't really think of anything worth possibly getting arrested.
I'm working on a scrabook. Because I am just that cool.
Sometimes it doesnt make sense, but then it starts making a lot of sense....ya know?
"The dawn is breaking...
A light shining through...
You're barely waking...
And I'm tangled up in you. (yeah)
I'm quiet, you know,
You make a first impression.
I've found I’m scared to know,
I'm always on your mind.
Even the best fall down sometimes.
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide.
You finally find, you and I collide.
You finally find, you and I collide."
current mood: excited
current music: Shoop - Salt - N - Pepper
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| Saturday, May 14th, 2005
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11:20 am - Hey Y'all
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Back home from IU. It's a rainy Saturday morning and Rose and Mom have gone shopping. I was sitting here drinking coffee and reading old entries when I came across a list from the beginning of last summer. Signs that I know it's summer. I will now try to transfer it for this year.
SIGNS THAT IT'S SUMMER:
1. My entire dorm room is in baskets and boxes scattered around my house.
2. Every morning I wake up and look for my roomie and she's never here. Which is wierd.
3. I HAVE A CAR!
4. no underpants (although that can happen during school too)
5. no shoes!
6. Camp is coming up very soon
7. I actally start reading for fun again
Things I want to do this summer:
1. Go on some kick ass canoe trips this summer
2. Get tan and toned up (camp will do that for you)
3. Help my brother move way closer to us
4. Help Ben move
5. Read more (starting out with Walden and Bob Dylan; Chronicles)
6. Hang out with my family
7. Figure myself out
8. See my lady-b's i miss y'all
9. PARFAITS!
10. Party old school like we did in highschool
11. Clean my house
Brandon's coming tomorrow - so I'm gonna go clean stuff!
current mood: awake
current music: COUNTRY
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| Friday, May 13th, 2005
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3:42 am - Oh boys...
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I always want what I can't have. And I'm really confused about it. All I know is that whenever I see a red beat up ford ranger, I always hope it's him and it never is. Oh well. Back in INdy for this month and oh so excited.....Can't you tell?
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